A Curse On His Head

I find myself wanting to curse lately. When I read the news or get on Facebook and see posts about American politics, I swear, I want to swear!

In spite of my blog persona of cozy and fuzzy “hands at home,” I swear with vigor and enthusiasm. Mostly, I do this at home and try to monitor my language when out in the world. Sometimes, I slip . . .

I’m not a creative curser—I use the four-letter words we all know.

In recent days, though, I’ve been thinking of one long, inventive curse that I’d like to dedicate to one annoying American guy, who uses his position to spout hateful words about women, immigrants, people of color, and even babies.

The curse comes from an Irish song, called “Nell Flaherty’s Drake.” In the song Nell Flaherty laments the death of her duck at the hands of another and curses the “murderer” to high heaven.*

May his spade never dig, may his sow never pig,
May each hair in his wig be well thrashed with the flail;
May his door never latch, may his roof have no thatch
May his turkeys not hatch, may the rats eat his meal.

May every old fairy from Cork to Dun Laoghaire
Dip him snug and airy in river or lake,
That the eel and the trout, they may dine on the snout
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty’s drake.

May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
May a ghost ever haunt him at dead of the night;
May his hens never lay, may his horse never neigh,
May his goat fly away like an old paper kite.

That the flies and the fleas may the wretch ever tease,
May the piercing March breeze make him shiver and shake;
May the lumps of a stick raise the bumps fast and thick
On the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty’s drake.

You might be able to guess on whose head I would place this curse. You might like this person and not want to curse him out so I’ll just say, “My blog, my opinion.” I hope you use your blog to express your opinion!

Even if you don’t share my point of view on this one, I bet there’s someone in your world who rankles and raises your ire. Feel free to use Nell Flaherty’s curse—I know I feel better already!

* Ostensibly, the song was really about the death of Irish rebel, Robert Emmet, with the song coded to allow it to be sung within earshot of the British. The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem did a rousing version.

88 thoughts on “A Curse On His Head

  1. This proves that an age-old verse really is appropriate for any time, any place. Nice to chuckle while cursing you-know-who.

    • The curser who came up with those lines worked harder than I ever do when I curse–I just blurt out the worst words I know. I hope you-know-who’s ears are ringing . . .

  2. While the song brings a smile even a chuckle, it is heartbreaking to think of where America is going. That song sure doesn’t allow for any good happenings to poor Nell Flaherty’s foe.😄

  3. Brilliant. He’s referred to around here as “he who shall not be named.” He’s also the reason I’m mostly avoiding my news feed on Facebook. I’m tempted to start my own sticker chart counting down to the day when this dangerous man is finally put in his place.

    I love that you swear liberally at home, and I really love that you shared that with us. You make me smile.

  4. Oh my gosh, I love this post. And, here I thought the only time you might swear was when your toffee didn’t turn out right. 🙂 I’ve been known to swear myself and have to watch myself so a blue word doesn’t pop out. This is truly funny, and I will second your curse so maybe it will stick. 🙂

    • I swear early and often, Judy–it gives me a weird sense of power. And thanks for “seconding my emotion”–we need this curse to stick, all the way to November!

    • Oh, my goodness–me, too. But then I’ll hear an uplifting story of regular people doing something wonderful and I’ll feel better again. I have my fingers crossed, and more curses in store, for the US election . . .

  5. My grandfather only used three curses and we could tell when things were getting worse. He started out with “Good night!” (said in a shocked or frustrated voice) Then “Good night, Nurse!” Then “By the Great Bald-headed Susan!” When all those had failed, he would sigh and say, “It’s enough to make a preacher swear.”
    I will update that a little and say “It’s enough to make Kerry swear!” So by that barometer, we know we are looking at serious conditions!

    • “By the Great Bald-headed Susan!”–That’s a completely new one to me and I love it!! I would love to know the back story! On the other hand, it takes very little to make me swear–I might be the polar opposite of your self-controlled grandfather.

  6. I don’t envy your voting choices this year – it seems (from halfway around the world!) very ugly and divisive. What is it about politics that brings out the playground bully in so many?
    Brilliant curse, I’m going to use that today.

    • It IS very ugly and divisive–I’ve never seen things the way before. It’s hard to talk to people from the other side because we all get so overwrought. I’m glad you like the curse!

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  8. Excellent curse here and I have seen that guy around too…ugh! I love swear/curse songs like these. I studied mediaval languages for a while and came across quite a few of them. They are very satisfying, I find.I make my own when some evil has crossed my path. I hope, I did not shock you too much by admitting to this. Your feisty writing from the past, already raised my suspicion about your occasional cursing. Now four letter words only pass my lips when I hurt myself…like that time I raised my arms when putting on my sweater and my fingers got hit by the ceiling fan…it was indeed bi-lingual swearing for at 10 minutes…xo Johanna.

  9. Ah, it’s so good to know other cursers. I too try to keep it under wraps, but am perfectly capable of letting loose with very bad words. The particular curse is wonderful as it’s so long, and so inventive! We could probably get Cynthia Jobin to write some inventive curse poems. It’s so effective as it covers all aspects of living and prospering. We’d have to have a hacked account, a stolen cell phone, minions calling in sick, and other modern disasters for the real curse to work on he who should not be named! It is certainly an interesting election year–and there’s a Chinese curse that goes “may you live in interesting times…”

  10. I would be surprised if any of those supporters read your blog Kerry – they either can’t read or are too busy with their noses up their own asses to come by here surely…………. 🙂

    Life has taught me that where we put our attention is what we get more of. Any attention, good or bad works in favour of the person to whom the attention is given. Both your political candidates seem to understand this immutable law also. As an outsider I am often at a loss to understand how such lovely people as the Americans I know have the political system they have. I’m wishing us all the most benevolent outcome possible for your elections!

    • You know, the weird thing is that I have good friends who support the man who shall not be named. I don’t pretend to understand why . . . We all walk on eggshells and avoid politics when we talk. It’s a very strange time here.

      • You are the first person to admit to me they know anyone who thinks he’s a good idea 🙂 It’s the same here, I know no-one who thinks our PM is worthy of the job – yet he still gets voted in……. [It’s just occurred to me, I obviously don’t know enough people] It is a strange time globally I think. Good luck be with you!

    • I would be proud to be your kindred spirit! Yes, embarrassed is a valid reaction and I hate that, by association, we all look so bad to the rest of the world. Time for a comeuppance . . .

  11. A brilliant curse. And just out of curiosity when do you use cuss rather than curse? We don’t cuss down here; we swear or curse. I rarely do but if a certain someone does win the US election I probably will. Or I may be just too depressed to open my mouth.

  12. Hi Kerry, I will happily stand shoulder to shoulder with you and shout a curse or two ( or more) on this one! No doubt, although I had an English teacher back in elementary school who would have simply grabbed Mr. You Know who by the earlobe and hauled him down to the principal’s office each and every time he opened his mouth.

  13. in a recent speech, President Obama said “the world is watching” – maybe we could convince every individual to repeat this once a day until Nov. – although I wonder if he who must not be named is smart enough to “get it”?

  14. Well that made me laugh! I vote every year, major or minor elections – it doesn’t matter. But I just can’t get inspired to get all wound up if my candidate doesn’t win. I think because it’s not personal. A friend from high school was previously a US congressman – that was personal and I was very invested in his elections. But ones like this? It just doesn’t make me lose much sleep like it seems to with a lot of folks.

    • Voting is SO important and I’m getting really angry with all these high-profile people, including elected officials, who say they are not going to vote at all this November. WHAT??

      • Yes, exactly!!! But those are the same people who will complain. The husband of a friend of mine wasn’t happy with some local decisions so he ran for the city board and won. Not everyone can do that, but I have respect for any candidate who will do that, particularly when many of these people could make so much more money in the private sector.

  15. Such a beautiful, wonderful, marvellous, full- bodied curse that says, “Hey, you have taken something away from me that I loved, and you should suffer appropriate consequences.” I love you my neighbours to the south and your beautiful country, and I raise my voice to curse along with you. Hope it works

    • The more voices, the better! Some days, I think we don’t need to curse–he seems intent on bringing himself down. But I’m going to keep cursing anyway, just for good measure!

  16. I’ll get around to blogging about bankrupting the USA politics… later. Another curse, from China, I have been told, goes “May you live in interesting times.” My, are we cursed, or what?

  17. Wonderful Kerry!! So applicable we are all dumbfounded here as to a certain someone’s popularity – “May each hair in his wig be well thrashed with the flail;” so apt! It would be funny if it wasn’t so serious – strange times we are living in!

  18. That’s a very rural curse; as a city person I would have to change it. I don’t curse but I do argue politics, specifically this election, with neighbors, friends and family. Watching CNN about it, reading articles and editorials has become my daily pastime.

    • It is a very rural curse–a big city curse would be fun! I’m not sure what any of us are going to talk about when the election is over–it’s been quite all-consuming!

  19. Thank you for sharing this! I knew I liked you … we swear AND we wish the same for the man whose name I will not say.
    We are an international embarrassment!

  20. OK, young lady. So how come you never shared this wonderful curse when I was searching for one some months ago? This is a perfectly terrible curse that’s sure to make a rooster sing like a small bird, if he sings at all. Or worse.
    I do think we should be able to look UP to our politicians and it’s a shame when their behaviour does not merit it.

    • Oops–did I altogether miss your search for a good curse? Sorry! I can’t imagine one much better than this. I’m hoping the curse does the trick and undercuts my intended target (although he seems proficient at doing that to himself!)

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